In "Unconditional Parenting," Alfie Kohn challenges traditional discipline methods, advocating instead for a parenting style rooted in compassion and understanding. He argues that unconditional love is the key to fostering responsible, empathetic children who are motivated from within, rather than by rewards or punishments. Kohn explores the detrimental effects of conditional parenting, where affection is tied to behavior, and offers practical strategies for nurturing a more profound connection with your child. Through engaging anecdotes and thought-provoking insights, he invites parents to rethink their approach and prioritize genuine relationship-building. Discover how to raise confident, caring individuals by letting go of control and embracing unconditional support.
By Alfie Kohn
Published: 2006
"Punishment is not a solution; it’s a symptom of a problem."
A groundbreaking approach to parenting by nationally-respected educator Alfie Kohn that gives parents “powerful alternatives to help children become their most caring, responsible selves” (Adele Faber, New York Times bestselling author) by switching the dynamic from doing things to children to working with them in order to understand their needs and how to meet them. Most parenting guides begin with the question “How can we get kids to do what they're told?” and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, “What do kids need—and how can we meet those needs?” What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them. One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including “time-outs”), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from “doing to” to “working with” parenting—including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.
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“Punishment is not a solution; it’s a symptom of a problem.”
Unconditional Parenting
By Alfie Kohn
Discover a world of knowledge through our extensive collection of book summaries.
Alfie Kohn is an influential author and speaker known for his work in the fields of education, psychology, and parenting. He has written more than a dozen books, including "Punished by Rewards" and "The Schools Our Children Deserve," which challenge conventional approaches to motivation and learning. Kohn advocates for more progressive teaching methods that prioritize critical thinking, intrinsic motivation, and collaboration over standardized testing and competition. His writings have been featured in various publications, and he frequently speaks at conferences and workshops across the globe. With a deep commitment to fostering a more humane and equitable society, Kohn continues to inspire educators and parents to rethink traditional practices in education and parenting.
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