In "Hold On to Your Kids," developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld unveils the vital connection between parents and children in a rapidly changing world. He argues that the modern, peer-oriented culture often undermines this bond, leaving kids vulnerable and disconnected. Through compelling research and poignant anecdotes, Neufeld illustrates how nurturing secure attachments can empower children to thrive emotionally and socially. Drawing upon practical strategies, the book inspires parents to reclaim their pivotal role in their children's lives. Dive into this transformative guide and discover how to strengthen your family's foundation in an age of ubiquitous distractions.
By Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté, MD
Published: 2011
"Children need to feel that they are valued by their parents."
A psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting issues joins forces with a physician and bestselling author to tackle one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time -- peers replacing parents in the lives of our children. Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident -- as do the solutions. Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice contained in Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards a source of authority, contact and warmth. Something has changed. One can sense it, one can feel it, just not find the words for it. Children are not quite the same as we remember being. They seem less likely to take their cues from adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of getting into trouble. Parenting, too, seems to have changed. Our parents seemed more confident, more certain of themselves and had more impact on us, for better or for worse. For many, parenting does not feel natural. Adults through the ages have complained about children being less respectful of their elders and more difficult to manage than preceding generations, but could it be that this time it is for real? -- from Hold On to Your Kids
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“Children need to feel that they are valued by their parents.”
Hold On to Your Kids
By Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté, MD
Discover a world of knowledge through our extensive collection of book summaries.
Gordon Neufeld is a renowned Canadian developmental psychologist, educator, and author, best known for his pioneering work in the field of child development and attachment theory. Neufeld co-authored the influential book Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers with Gabor Maté, which emphasizes the importance of parent-child relationships and the effects of peer orientation on children's development. His other notable works include The Neufeld Approach and Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers.
Neufeld’s writing is characterized by its insightful exploration of complex psychological concepts presented in an accessible and engaging manner. Through his work, he advocates for a deeper understanding of childhood, emphasizing the significance of strong emotional connections in fostering healthy development. His contributions to parenting and education have made a lasting impact on families and professionals alike.
Gabor Maté, MD, is a renowned physician and author, celebrated for his insightful exploration of the interplay between mind and body, trauma, addiction, and emotional well-being. With over twenty years of experience in family practice and palliative care, Dr. Maté has gained international recognition for his holistic approach to health and wellness.
He is the author of several influential books, including "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction," "When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection," and "The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture." His writing is characterized by a deep empathy and a compelling narrative style, often integrating personal anecdotes, scientific research, and insights into the complexities of human psychology.
Dr. Maté’s work emphasizes the importance of understanding the emotional roots of health issues and advocates for a compassionate, integrated approach to healing. His contributions continue to inspire a broader conversation on the significance of trauma-informed care and the vital connection between emotional health and physical well-being.
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